I think I ask all the wrong questions.
I strive for meaning in life out of what I do - who I am as a friend or colleague or student - what I'm achieving - what others are recognizing in and through my intelligence or work - what I get public recognition and fame for - if there is a pedestal - influence - changed lives - impact - how good of a listener am I - am I a good supervisor - what do they REALLY think of me - is this making a difference - is it time to move on - am I using my skills in the best way I can - is this really all there is - and the list goes on and on and on
But I think the only thing I should be focusing on - or the only thing that REALLY matters that will make all the other things fall into place is intimacy with God. How much do I love God? What can I do to get to know him and seek him in new ways today? How can I renew and deepen my love for him?
Am I living my life the way I do because I love God? Or because God loves me and these are the rules and standards I think I should meet. The way the church taught me a good Christian exists. Always achieving - always reaching for more - always doing good and striving.
Is my life a natural flow of the love and connection and intimacy I have with my creator
or a relentless rat race?
and is the cheese at the end of the race really going to fulfill me?