Why I dislike the word "real"

I have seen a lot of conferences and blog posts and books and advertisements (and you name it) that cater to letting you know how you can be a "real" man or a "real" woman or "real" christian or "real" adventurer or "real" beauty (or insert "real" here). 

I dislike the word real. I dislike this challenge to be a "real" woman, because how do we know what a "real" woman is?

At this point in my life, I don't have any real strong desire to be a mother. But I have friends that are AMAZING mothers - which one of us is a real woman?

I love to cook. I have friends of mine who would burn down the house if they tried to cook - but they are way better at listening, praying and encouraging others than I am. So, which one of us is a "real" woman?

I am curvy. I have friends that are skinny. I have friends that are mexican and asian and white and ambiguous and tall and short and freckled and tan and flat chested and straight toothed and tatted and curly haired and hairless. So, which one of us is "real" beauty?

I get the heart behind it. The heart behind biblically challenging women that to be a "real" woman (although, don't get me or Rachel Held Evans started on the word "biblical") to read the bible and pray and support your husband and do a  million other things. But what about women without husbands? What about women that suck at praying - women who experience God better out in nature - who commune with God better when they are working with their hands or hiking rather than down on their knees? Does that make them any less real?

We can't define men and women and beauty and Christianity because we can't define humanity. God made everyone different. We experience life uniquely thorough the lens we were created with. 

So please stop defining yourself by these terms. Stop trying to live up to cultures expectations of whether you are a real woman or not. You are real. You are you, and that's as real as you can be. You are beautiful, and unique and perfectly suited to be all God made you to be. Don't try to be anything other than that. And I won't either.

Open Letter to Travelocity

Dear Travelocity,

I work for an amazing company, Fuller Theological Seminary. We have the great privilege of working with and for ministry leaders from all over the world. One such leader is a pastor and seminary professor from Myanmar. In order to be the best professor and pastor he can be he has applied for the Doctor of Ministry program at Fuller. 

We were able to find this pastor a full scholarship for this first course here on campus. A generous and gracious church has covered all his expenses: flight, housing, food, tuition, books - it is a really beautiful thing.

So our office has begun making arrangements to bring him to campus. We booked a flight with you, Travelocity, from Myanmar to Los Angeles for him. A few hours after booking the flight we were contacted via email letting us know it was canceled. 

We called you to inquire as to why the flight had been canceled. After one of my colleagues was on hold with your customer service for one hour and thirty four minutes, you informed us that the passengers name was not acceptable. You see, he only has one name. No first name, only a family name. So when booking the ticket we put in "First Name Unknown" and then his Last Name. My colleague inquired "am I not able to use your service if the passenger does not have an American name?" to which your customer service representative replied, "If they do not have a first and last name, the bank will not allow them to book a ticket."

We are paying for his ticket as the accredited graduate school supporting his studies, so I do not understand why the bank should be an issue. We have a copy of his passport verifying he only has one name - why is it that you cannot complete a simple transaction allowing a citizen from Myanmar to use your service to fly to America?

It baffles me that in today's world we still make things so inaccessible to those who do things differently than us. 

So we booked the flight through Expedia. It took approximately 34 seconds and in the amount of time it took me to write you this letter we already got the confirmation of the ticket. I am glad to see that some companies are willing to work with various cliental from around the world. Thank you, Expedia, I will be using you a lot more in the future.

Sincerely,

Julia

The Significance of Space

Lately I’ve been thinking about the significant of place.

Asking myself questions about where I am at in my journey – looking at how far I have come, asking why I am not further – figuring out what steps I need to take to grow, transform, and awaken my soul.

I got finished reading “Pilgrimage of a Soul” by Phileena Heuertz. And it is a GREAT book. I really related to it in a number of significant ways. But what struck me as she told her story and shared about her journey out of darkness was that much of it took place on a pilgrimage on El Camino de Santiago in Spain and during a sabbatical in North Carolina.

Spirituality would be a whole lot easier if we didn’t have to tease it out in our normal routine.

When I think back on my most profound spiritual experiences, they have taken place camping in a tent underneath a waterfall in Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland; watching the sunset against the red rocks in Las Vegas, Nevada; or sitting in the presence of a suffering man in a leper colony in Kathmandu, Nepal.

But each time I come back from those experiences, I slip right back into routine at home and get frustrated losing half of all the progress I’ve made. Sometimes it feels like I need to “go away” in order to make any real significant headway in my spiritual growth.

I just started reading the book “The Solace of Fierce Landscapes” by Belden Lane. First of all, amazing. I have only made it through two chapters, so there is only so much I can say about the book at this point – but I am fairly certain I will be encouraging you all to buy it! In the introduction as he begins to talk about mountain and desert landscapes he says, “Growth in the spiritual life requires adopting a conscious ‘habit of being.’ Far too easily do we embrace the illusion that changing places is the simplest way of changing ourselves.”

And that’s exactly it!

As I embark on this journey of awakening and transformation coming out of this long season of darkness I've been in, I can’t help but feel that things would be easier, or at least faster, if I were not in my normal everyday routine. If I were able to just get away for a 4-month sabbatical or go on a pilgrimage across the highlands of Scotland. If I were able to escape all that constantly frustrates me, and drags me down, and causes me to lose my patience, and those things I lust and obsess over. But you can’t ever escape it. And even if you are lucky enough to get a sabbatical or embark on a pilgrimage, you have to come home sometimes. So you have to learn to develop a spirituality that can survive.

I spent just one day at the Center for Action and Contemplation with Fr. Richard Rohr last week and really enjoyed some of the contemplative routines he implemented throughout the day. He started the day with several minutes of centering prayer. Throughout the day a timer was set so every 20 minutes a bell chimed and the whole class stopped for just 5-10 seconds to pause, detach, and center ourselves from wherever our focus was back on God. And our afternoon break was a 30-45 minute contemplative walk around the neighborhood – trying to clear our minds. Fr. Rohr said to us “don’t think, just look” – and this is a very hard practice to learn. But I want to learn. And I need to learn – to begin to implement new routines in my life to nurture my soul in the everyday.

What are some of your favorite routines that help you to detach and reconnect with God in the midst of the chaos? 

A Position of Love

From "Theirs is the Kingdom" by Robert D Lupton

Why do Christians not agree on such important matters? Is it because some are more spiritually mature than others? Are some more hermeneutically astute and able to gain more accurate insight into the word of God? Surely God doesn't contradict himself. What shall we do when well-meaning Christians come up with different answers from the ones God has clearly revealed to us as his truth?

Perhaps we should try to educate these ignorant ones. If they refuse to accept the truth, we can cut them off from our fellowship...But one of the things that troubles me as I take up causes for the kingdom is this: our Lord has told us the essential I.D for all "card-carrying" Christians is "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35). There is nothing distinguishing about holding certain political positions, engaging in debates, staging protests. Whether we pledge allegiance to the moral majority or the radical minority, whether we vote Republican or Democrat (or Independent , Libertarian, or Socialist), there is no visible statement to the world about our commitment to the lordship of Christ. We may join pro- or anti-nuke, life, draft, NRA, Contra, or defense bandwagons and do so for all the right reasons, but this will not cause us to shine like lights in darkness. Such affiliations may express our convictions, but they do not set us apart as "Christ-ones." 

There is only one activity so unique to this world that Christ distinguished it as the proof of his deity and of our authenticity as his followers...It is more reconciling than Camp David peace accords, more convincing than arguments for and against abortion or gay rights, or the authority of scripture. It illuminates the minds of men and women more than Christian television or political debates, and it is not an option for a Christian. It is a command. It is love. Love of a special sort. 

Unfortunately, we seldom see this love. We talk about it, but quickly abandon it in the pursuit of "rightness." Perhaps building cases for issues is much more exciting than loving each other; issues allows us to win, or at least compete. Love on the other hand, lays down its ego, its case, its defenses for the sake of another--and that isn't fun.  

And yet our Lord saw love as so vital that he spent his last night emphasizing and reemphasizing it to his disciples. He assured them (and us) that he would reveal himself to them, give his Holy Spirit to teach them, grant all that they ask, give them peace and joy, and call them his friends of they would but obey him by living out his love (John 13-15). Would it be easy? Is laying down your life easy? Yet, said Christ, this is how love is measured.  

But what about the issues? Shouldn't we take stands on important issues like human rights, war, and even life itself? Of course. We must. This isn't to say that all Christians will take the same stand. As long as we are fallen and our perceptions are colored by our experience, as long as we have blind spots and different personalities, we will continue coming up with different answers.  

Yet somehow in the tension between the poles, God continues to work. Love leads us to an appreciative understanding of the unique contribution each member makes to the body of Christ, and thus the tension is creative. But without the willingness to lay aside, at least for a time, our own position in order to affirm a dissenting brother or sister, the tension will undoubtedly be destructive. I suspect that Christ is working overtime these days healing the ears (and egos) of those we have slashed in his defense. Perhaps it is time we put away our swords and began displaying the mark of "Christ-ones:" Love.

Enough said.

Manipulated for the Sake of Relationship

I started reading "Theirs is the Kingdom" by Robert D. Lupton. I might be A LITTLE behind. The book came out in 1989. But to be fair, I wasn't all that into reading when I was 6, so I feel I have a good excuse.

This book is great though! I love the unique angle he takes in talking about life and ministry in urban settings. Most of the book is just stories. And a whole lot of it is about failing. Wrong decisions, mistakes, struggles and fears. The book is raw, honest, challenging and convicting. I am sure I will talk about it a bit more later…but for now I want to engage one specific chapter.

It is the chapter titled "Kurt" and it is about a man he got to know in his neighborhood with a really difficult story. His mom was murdered, he had tried to take revenge and had suffered the ramifications of trying to take things into his own hands (beaten in skull with a baseball bat for one thing!). He was an alcoholic and drug abuser but was trying to (and seeming to succeed in his efforts to) turn his life around. 

He had gotten a job and needed money for the bus fare. So Robert gave him that money. Only problem was Kurt ended up purchasing liquor. 

Robert was devastated. He felt used. Lied to. Stupid. 

I think I deal with these thoughts, reservations, and this skeptical outlook often as we work with the women out on the track. I hear a lot of really sad stories. A lot of seemingly helpless situations - but I often wonder how true they are. When it seems like all they need is some money for formula and diapers - I wonder how true that is. If I were to give them that money - would that really solve anything? Would the money really go to buy diapers?

Robert goes on to say "I can see the conditions I place on my giving, my own subtle forms of manipulation. I am confronted with my pride that requires others to conform to my image. I see my need to control, to meter out love in exchange for the responses I desire. I will opt to be manipulated in person. For somewhere concealed in these painful interactions are the key to my own freedom."

Freedom.

I was in class in February and one of the other students told a story about  Mother Theresa handing out food on the street. Several of the people were going through the line three or four times! One of the volunteers came up to Mother and told her that someone should regulate the process better because these people were taking more than their fair share and trying to go around the corner and sell it!! Mothers response? "The rich get spoiled so often, it's about time someone spoiled the poor."

How profound.

I know there is so much more to this conversation and it is such a fine line (giving without regard and caring about unhealthy behaviors) - but I think I agree with Robert's line of thinking. I would rather be manipulated in person. I would rather build relationships, and listen to the half truths that spring from the deep need that resides within. Maybe the money or resources don't always go to where I wish they would or where I would choose - but the first step is presence. Consistency.  Love. And then freedom.

I don't know - maybe this doesn't make sense. But this is what I'm chewing on for the day….chew with me. And pick up the book if you get a chance. We can dialogue more.